With the American Presidential election fast approaching, it's shaping up to
be a very interesting few months. So I decided to pull out my crystal ball,
and let the rest of you dull normals know what you can expect from now until
the end of the year.
- President Bush learns how to spell C-O-N-D-O-L-E-E-Z-Z-A.
- Al Gore formally endorses John Kerry for President of the
United States.
- Ralph Nader waits by the phone to be ready for reporters'
calls for interviews.
- President Bush foils a huge terrorist attack on American
soil. Realizing that it would appear self-serving to
announce the news himself, arrangements are made to get
the information to an "independent" news agency.
- Ralph Nader gets himself a coffee but gets somebody
to watch the phone.
- Most Americans believe the news of the foiled attack and
praise the President. Some Americans and the rest of the
world think it was all a lie put out by the White House
to get re-elected. John Kerry has a nervous breakdown
trying to figure how to thank the President and call
him a liar at the same time.
- Ralph Nader calls AT&T to ensure his telephone is
working properly.
- John Kerry does almost as well as Walter Mondale did
and loses every state. Al Gore is formally asked not
to endorse any more candidates. Hillary Clinton asks her
bodyguards to make sure Gore is at least 100 yards away
at all times.
- Post election pundits clutter up Larry King Live and
the Sunday current-events shows, talking about how
everybody knew that Bush had re-election all sewed
up from the very beginning. John Kerry smashes his
neighbor's television in disgust.
- It is revealed that the news of the foiled terrorist
attack came from the White House, which sours
Bush's re-election the same way the Florida hanging chads soured
his first victory. Democrats smelling revenge start
using the "I" word. Protesters...dozens of them start
waving placards and chanting catchy little ditties like,
"1-2-3-4 Lying Bush has got to go! 5-6-7-8 Let's impeach
our head of state!"
- Hillary Clinton is publicly aghast at another 4 years of
Bush. She spends the months following Bush's re-election
touring Iowa and New Hampshire telling anybody who will
listen that she is not going to run for President in
2008.
- Ralph Nader publishes his memoirs entitled "I'm still
relevant!"
- President Bush starts talking about Cuba's Weapons of
Mass Destruction.
