Despite the potential fatal ramifications of self-injurious behavior, a crash landing can be averted. “Although it is a serious and potentially lethal practice, it is treatable,” Wendy Lader said. But before that can happen, people who hurt themselves have to change their thinking. “The most important aspect is for the injurer to realize that self-injury is a choice,” She advised. “It is actually a choice to medicate away uncomfortable feelings rather than experience them.”
But self-harmers also have another obstacle in dealing with uncaring and unsympathetic medical professionals. Katy complained that she had received extremely bad treatment at accident and emergency departments whenever she sought help for her wounds, “including them trying to turn me away [with] blood pouring everywhere.” The problem also extends to psychiatrists as well. “Some are under the impression that it’s always done for attention or that it’s psychotic,” Gabrielle added. “Some doctors punish instead of treat.”
Dr. Lader said: “ER doctors are overworked and believe that [self-]injurers are taking valuable time and resources from people with ‘real’ emergencies. They often punish the injurer by stitching them up without any anaesthetics. What they don’t realize is that once the injurer has calmed down, [the person] does feel pain, so [the physician’s] actions create tremendous pain and are cruel.”
Katy related a situation where she was forced to speak up for herself when doctors wouldn’t give her stitches for three self-inflicted wounds on her arm. After demanding that she be stitched, the doctor jabbed the needle directly into her wounds. “The fact that doctors are busy and don’t understand self-harm does not excuse the poor, arrogant, and cruel treatment I received.”
Dr. Lader hopes her organization can open some eyes to the mistreatment and misunderstanding, but it’s difficult. “We have a section on our website for medical professionals and I lecture all over the country, but I rarely have ER doctors or nurses attend. This doesn’t seem to be a top priority for them.” However, she adds, “As this behavior becomes more widespread, it will be increasingly difficult for the medical profession to ignore the ramifications associated with self-harming behaviors.” Something that both Katy and Gabrielle hope won’t take them too long.
Katy said: “I know I was the cause of my injury. So part of me understands their reaction. However, my pain is the same as anyone else’s. Yes, I physically caused my own injuries, but let’s not forget that it was under the influence of several mental illnesses battling it out loudly in my head at the time.”
Family: ‘without them I’d be dead’
For the loved ones of people who self-injure, it may be a shocking blow to discover that someone close to them is hurting themselves. Public reaction and family support are crucial in helping a person overcome self-injury. However, it’s a very difficult path for many parents to tread. “They did not understand my self-harm and it distressed them greatly,” Katy said about her parents’ reaction to her behavior.
Dr. Lader strongly believes that family is the first line of defense in helping self-injurers. Located at the Linden Oaks Hospital at Edward, near Chicago, IL, the organization offers treatment programs, medical referrals, and various print and video resources on self-injury. Along with Karen Conterio, they started the first structured inpatient program for self-harmers in 1986.
“The most important step is honest communication,” Lader advised. “Don’t walk on egg shells.” However, they must be cautious that they themselves deal with feelings that may prevent them from helping their child or loved one.
Lader explained: “Family members should attempt to check their own intense emotional reactions, such as rage or hysteria, to their loved one’s behavior. Instead, they should work to communicate thoughts and feelings in a direct, non-judgmental manner. If they have a hard time doing this, I would recommend getting their own emotional support to deal with these often difficult issues.”
For some, the initial reaction is denial, which Lader says doesn’t help. “Self-injury is a serious behavior and warrants an evaluation by a professional. Treating it as a [phase] or a fad can end up making matters worse.”
For both Katy and Gabrielle their parents have been both inspirations and catalysts, which have put them on the path to recovery. Katy hasn’t hurt herself in over a year and for Gabrielle this is the best she’s felt in five years. Commenting on her mother, Gabrielle said, “Recently, she said I’ve been doing well and things have been more relaxed.” Katy added, “They are living proof that it is possible to be faced with something totally incomprehensible, and yet support and care for their child.”
Additionally the public needs to be a little less judgmental. “To most people, self-harm of any kind is abhorrent,” Katy said. However, she eventually found a therapist who helped her through her problems. To her “one human being listening to another human being with unconditional acceptance” saved her life.
Gabrielle has been undergoing biofeedback therapy. “Biofeedback is a treatment that teaches you to…train your brain to relax. You are supposed to get tuned in to signals to your brain and be able to change them,” she explained. “Nothing except biofeedback has ever slowed down my self-injurious behavior.” She does admit that in the beginning she thought it was a waste of money, but after she started treatment she said she no longer felt depressed.
“Perhaps I have something to offer people.”
“I’d like to be a computer programmer,” Gabrielle said. “I now feel I’d be happy designing web sites and writing scripts.” In 1999 she started a web site about self-harm called Self-Injury: A Struggle. “I felt that while there were great informational resources on self-injury, there were no web sites that completely covered the subject,” she said. Her site includes self-harm resources, a section on famous self-injurers, and a message board among other features.
Katy has a doctorate degree in Clinical Medicine from Oxford University. She is in the process of writing a book and volunteers at the National Self Harm Network in London, declaring, “I am set on writing and social work.”
For these two young women, they inhabit a world that few of us understand; yet like many of us they are striving to make their lives matter. On the outside they are like everyone else, although on the inside they both have troubled pasts. However, Gabrielle acknowledges that she still has urges, but they are not as strong as in the past.
To the many others who still struggle with self-harm there is always hope. “Despite all the negative feelings they may have, they still have the potential to become content.”
Well said.
